Tomorrow is the last day of school. I still have three weeks of work to go.
I HATE my mother, all ways berating me… Stupid woman, don’t you know anything? Haven’t you noticed we’re having to learn algebra BY OURSELVES? At the best I can see the math tutor only once a week! That is not nearly enough for…
Ach, what ever. I can’t believe I’m crying again…
It used to be so easy! Why did I have to have that revelation? Why do I have to know nothingness? In 7th grade, a little more than a year ago… I could’ve ended it all. Yes, I definitely could have. I didn’t have that revelation. Nothingness was not something I feared, because I had no comprehension of it. And now… Now I’m afraid! Why am I afraid? Why can’t I forget it? I want to forget it, so I can just die. So much pain could’ve been averted if I had just ended it then and there! I knew nothing about the nothingness! And now… Oh… I have all ways been a coward. Have I all ways been a coward? I have all ways been a coward.
No… I know a way out. I have to empty myself again. All emotions will be gone. Can I do that? It’s like becoming the nothingness itself? Can I muster the courage to do that? And if I am able to empty myself and become a void, I’ll really have no will to live. I know. I’ve done that before. Of course, this was before my revelation… As to how I broke from it… I don’t remember. I don’t remember at all. But thinking back on it, that’s how it’s supposed to be. I take in everything and process nothing.
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