2009-07-07, Earth PST

Woke up, dressed for pyjama break fast, took yoga, went to assembly [referred to as "Morning Inspiration"]. Turns out PJ break fast was a mistake; it's actually crazy hair break fast. The boys didn't get the memo. Well, no one did except for those at yoga. All most all [boys] came in either boxers or boxer briefs. It was a sight to behold...

After break fast Jenna started asking me about Daniel, and, whether I thought he was cute. Kept it cool, but it turns out Jenna her self has been struck by love for Daniel. She's asked me to do recon' for her. Right now all the counselors are in a meeting. They've got a high vantage point—damn! But may be they won't look at the life jackets [I was be hind the racks] very much.

Fun. But I've teased him so much that his doubts will be on me. I've got to allay that some how... And I'm not confident in my skills at angling juicy tidbits out of older gentle men (but what sort of adolescent should be?). Ach.

All so, this was a bade time to go to camp. Luna is practically full and she's setting the whole sky a light. It's not so much of a nuisance, but it would be nice to see more of our cosmic neighbours.

[...]

They came out. And so did Squall [director's labradoodle]. I used him as an excuse to get close. Daniel didn't know his name, only wears his cap when it's sunny, and seems to enjoy it when I call the thing "stupid." Unfortunately these little tidbits are [according to Shannon] of no use to Jenna. She should've told me earlier she wasn't the obsessive type.

[...]

We came back from tide pooling. I spent too much time combing. I think I more than irritated my counselors with the time wasting. I'm so childish. Thinking about it really saddens me. I want my Kia back... Oh, Kia! A long lost friend that I never had, never existed.

Kia. Every time I think of him I am saddened. I've been told to forget him [by mother], but... The only thing that frees my mind from thoughts of him is coldness. Not even music...

Numbing my self is the only escape. There are other ways a side from freezing, but my being clings to life so much. I think I am a coward. No, I am sure of it. And ultimately, I am repulsive and unlovable.

Child hood. I am but a weeping child. I'm not such a great person as people perceive me to be. Who could love some thing so grotesque? Shame, fear, and anxiety are all I have. I don't even have my self! Unreliable and wretched is all I am.

Tears. These aren't tears. The wind blew dust in my eye, I'm fine. And as I say this, my voice comes out uncracked, unscathed...

Hmph. I've cried so much I've exhausted my salt reserves. It has been so for all most three years.

[...]

We just finished lunched. I tapped a lunching Daniel on the shoulder and informed him of Jenna's feelings. I don't know if he took me seriously or not.

I've got a mild head ache from all of the ruckus [from my cabin mates from cranking up their music so loud]. Augh! Oh, if only I had a blunt object, and no self control what so ever! I'd—!

I can't even clean the cabin, not with that noise. Oh! I feel like weeping! But in stead I'll cover my ears and sing quietly.

[...]

Camp fire has ended, and the day is following closely. Luna was partially blocked; I think I saw part of the Milky Way! We all so saw a satellite.