2009-07-06, Earth PST

Ach. The hand writing of my previous entry was just horrid. Compared to my usual, at least.

We had lunch a while earlier. Our counselors say it's 14:10.

First activity, to day, was kayaking... It was my first! It was perfect, even with the frigid water and capsising. I partnered up with one of my counselors, Shannon. We pursued hand-some blonde counselor Daniel. His navy base ball cap was dry, and I say it was God's will to drench it! I blamed my OCD.

We're waiting out side the arts and crafts room. We're going to do our cabin flag.

[...]

Just got back. In stead of a skull and crossed bones is a splattered, scribbled mess with [our] cabin members' names printed nearly at the bottom. In hind sight it's a pleasant irony. But I didn't have hind sight at that time.

We moved to the water front just now. I suppose for relaxing. I'll read my book, I Will Bear Witness.

[...]

It's around 16:30. Still at water front, still reading. Shion, a Japanese exchange student [I had met and befriended earlier], greeted me. She went into the ocean, and I watched. Guilt, immense guilt. I look at her not just as an older sister figure... No! Guilt, guilt, and only guilt! I don't think such love is wrong, but... I am afraid for her, for some reason. Hatred directed at my self...

She's so innocent. Well, I my self wasn't so innocent at eleven, but... Love is an agonising thing.

So much of the joy from looking at her is completely chaste. So why!

[...]

It's night. Camp fire activities have just concluded. I sang up there... Standing ovation. Matt, the director, even went down on his knees, going, "Ali Baba" repeatedly. I was shocked. I thought I sounded terribly nervous! And yet all this praise...

Unsurprisingly, no one recognised the tune. After all, how many Americans are even aware of the existence of a Dutch film industry?

Voor een Verloren Soldaat. So poignant...